God can...

...see more than I can. From my point of view, there are a few things I'd like to advise the King of Kings about, but probably shouldn't. After all, He already knows my thoughts, so perhaps it's a mute point.

Dear Lord, thank you for protecting my friends from something that looked very shiny, but now is showing its true colors. Something you knew all along. Please, Lord, do a work there that brings you glory. Be with all of the families involved and give them the type of wisdom that can only come from the throne of Heaven. Protect them from themselves and the abominable lies of the enemy.

Lord, there is also another family. One losing their daddy. Because their daddy is headed to his eternal and heavenly home. Please, dear Jesus, be with them and comfort them. Oh, Lord, especially the kids.

And for the baby I worry about, and her mama who I worry about as much if not more. Lord, you know. You can see. You can provide. You can protect. Give her mama the most divine wisdom to seek the best for her child, whatever that looks like.

Forgive me Lord for being so incredibly judgmental about several of these situations. I truly think I know more than you sometimes and when you show me my arrogance, it makes me sad to know what is in my heart. Please, Lord, cleanse my heart of all things that separate me from you. You can...

I love you and look forward to the day that the clouds part and you return to gather your people and bring us home. What a glorious and sad day. Many will go, and many more will stay. Please help your people do the jobs you have set before them with great courage that many would know of you before the days are gone. Amen...

Quiet

Wow...haven't even logged in in 10 months...Welcome back to me. I guess I come here to be my own anonymous sounding board when I feel like I have something to say or share. God, you hear my voice. I know you do. Thank you.

Today I haven't been able to even hear anything beyond Kyle's tears, my exhaustion, my dismay at the state of my house. Breathe. Pray. Breathe. I checked another blog today and this dear sister had written about how God had told her long ago to build her house. Not a physical thing. To focus on herself and her relationship with God, to build her house. It struck me.

I think my message for today is to breathe through it. Just like any physical pain. Breathe through it. Tackle this moment and lean heavily on His grace. Breathe. Breathe to clear the crud out and receive the next breath of fresh air.

Lord, you've been with me all day. All night. And it was a long one. The day hasn't been short either. But you've helped me. We got to this point together. Thank you. Thank you for your grace and mercy on me, your stumbling and struggling daughter. Thank you Lord. I love you. Amen--

Time

...seems to help me chill out. Get further away from the blunt emotions one feels right after something challenging happens. Time and God are my friends.

This morning I was dealing with a sick kiddo and thinking I was in for quite a day. However, we got started moving, and a few hours later, everything looked a little more cheerful. Thank you Lord.

Thank you also Lord for rounding off the jagged edges of emotions I have been carrying around. I know other things will occur, but you will be there then too.

I love you, Amen

Struggling

...with letting go and handing over some battles that are not mine to contend. I am in this bizarre place of wanting to go defend myself against someone whose ears are as apt to listen to reason as a spirit is to fist fight. Another person whose own pain, both physical and emotional, is running their lives while they openly criticize mine.

Lord, please do what I am not capable of. Please fight this battle for me, however you see fit. Please help me to have a still and quiet spirit as you refine me in this season. Help me to see and seek you more as I walk this path. I love you.

Convolution

AKA...life is pretty convoluted.

This morning I was browsing through friend suggestions on Facebook and came across a cousin I have only met once. In fact, we didn't know about him until I had already graduated college. We even went to the same college!!! Surprise, you have another cousin. Surprise, his dad didn't even know about him. He's in the same age range as the group of us that grew up together, so ???

I knew he had a band, I've even had an unopened CD on my counter for over a year, so I Googled him. Good grief, he seems like the nicest kid. Good music. Seems like he's done well for himself. But, I don't know him at all. We share genes, yet I could pass him on the street and wouldn't even give him a second glance. That is just so very strange to me. Someone I am closely related to, but don't know at all. Weird.

Lord, I know there is only a small percentage of what goes on around me that I am actually aware of. Please help me to not judge when I truly don't have even the smallest amount of info to even begin. Help me to have good discernment, but to leave the judging to you. Amen...

Oh my

There are some amazing websites out there that allow families of terminally or severely ill children to give blog-type updates on their kiddos' conditions without having to send out emails every five minutes. I was blessed to be able to follow one for a family member last year and had been keeping up on another for the past while as well. Not a child I knew personally, just a story I had heard about.

I hadn't read Liam's update in a while and when I clicked on an update this morning, I was shocked to read that he had passed away a month ago. Oh my heavens. His wonderful mama was sharing how they were coping in the midst of incredible grief. Grief only someone who has walked that path can possibly understand. Wow.

Lord, please watch over and protect the parents who are grieving losses like these. Only You can heal such deep wounds. Please be their Prince of Peace and help them to look forward to eternity. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for getting me through this day. Thank you that I was able to cook for us, do some dishes, even get cleaned up.

Thank you for sustaining me through this season. This combination of circumstances has, at times, brought me beyond simply falling to my knees. It's nailed me to the floor. YOU, however, never waiver in you unfailing love for me. I am grateful to have hope in YOU.

Thank you for watching over us. Thank you for understanding grief and promising that someday all tears will cease. Heaven is waiting. Hope is for certain. In Jesus' name, Amen.