Convolution

AKA...life is pretty convoluted.

This morning I was browsing through friend suggestions on Facebook and came across a cousin I have only met once. In fact, we didn't know about him until I had already graduated college. We even went to the same college!!! Surprise, you have another cousin. Surprise, his dad didn't even know about him. He's in the same age range as the group of us that grew up together, so ???

I knew he had a band, I've even had an unopened CD on my counter for over a year, so I Googled him. Good grief, he seems like the nicest kid. Good music. Seems like he's done well for himself. But, I don't know him at all. We share genes, yet I could pass him on the street and wouldn't even give him a second glance. That is just so very strange to me. Someone I am closely related to, but don't know at all. Weird.

Lord, I know there is only a small percentage of what goes on around me that I am actually aware of. Please help me to not judge when I truly don't have even the smallest amount of info to even begin. Help me to have good discernment, but to leave the judging to you. Amen...

Oh my

There are some amazing websites out there that allow families of terminally or severely ill children to give blog-type updates on their kiddos' conditions without having to send out emails every five minutes. I was blessed to be able to follow one for a family member last year and had been keeping up on another for the past while as well. Not a child I knew personally, just a story I had heard about.

I hadn't read Liam's update in a while and when I clicked on an update this morning, I was shocked to read that he had passed away a month ago. Oh my heavens. His wonderful mama was sharing how they were coping in the midst of incredible grief. Grief only someone who has walked that path can possibly understand. Wow.

Lord, please watch over and protect the parents who are grieving losses like these. Only You can heal such deep wounds. Please be their Prince of Peace and help them to look forward to eternity. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for getting me through this day. Thank you that I was able to cook for us, do some dishes, even get cleaned up.

Thank you for sustaining me through this season. This combination of circumstances has, at times, brought me beyond simply falling to my knees. It's nailed me to the floor. YOU, however, never waiver in you unfailing love for me. I am grateful to have hope in YOU.

Thank you for watching over us. Thank you for understanding grief and promising that someday all tears will cease. Heaven is waiting. Hope is for certain. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Ouch

Yesterday I had to have my dog put down. One of the hardest things I've ever done. Lots of crying. I miss him so much. I'd like to have him back. There are several other relationships I'd like back as well.

1. I'd like to have my parents both back in perfect health and without so many worries. They're not gone, just busy trying to survive.

2. I'd like to have my dog back.

3. I'd like for Kevin and Justin to have met my grandpa. I think this is our fifth year without him.

4. I'd like to have my other grandparents back. Physically they are both still present as well, but not the same people they were. I miss them both terribly.

5. I miss my brother so much. Again, still kicking, just far away. Mike, I know someday you'll have to chose where to live. I hope it's close enough we can see you more often.

6. And my dog Casey. Oh, heavens, I am going to have to go let Gus out in a minute to go potty and you won't be there. I got you to keep me company and be my running buddy. Now you're gone and I don't run. Sorry you didn't get the runs I always promised. I promise I'll try to do a better job with our next dog. It's just hard to be a mama to kiddos and a stupendous dog mama too. I love you buddy.

Lord, please, some peace today. Some comfort. I don't want to cry all day today again. I need to take care of Justin. Please be with Justin and I today as we get used to this new situation. Amen