Angry

I am using this vehicle as a place of confession today. Things I need to acknowledge and things I need to get off my chest.

First, I have been really angry the past couple days. Not all day, relentless anger. But anger that pops up when I percieve others to be out of line. And then I have exploded. Frothing at the mouth, smoke coming out the ears kind of mad. Big time angry. I don't like it. Afterwards I feel like an out of control failure of a person.

I am deeply frustrated right now because I feel like I am in this pattern of spinning my wheels. Like I am treading water. Like I can't make progress or get any relief from the things that are upsetting me because the waves just keep crashing. One thing after the next. I feel like I am on the roller coaster from hell. I want off.

I can attribute a handful of circumstances to each of these emotions. I can identify them and point fingers. But it doesn't help. I cannot control others and am doing a pretty shoddy job of controlling how their attitudes and actions affect me.

Lord, so many people in the Word have cried out to you as they weathered huge storms. Many reminded you about their righteousness and asked that you would remember who they are. I don't feel I have any claim to righteousness at this point, but I am still your daughter. And I am burnt to a crisp right now. I need peace that flows like a river to wash over me right now. To put out the fires. They just keep popping up. Hot spots. "Whatever the cost, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul. It is well. With my soul. It is well. It is well. With my soul." Let it be so Lord. Thank you for turning your ear toward me. Amen--